My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
