I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
two words...techno handjob
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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