I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
