Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
