Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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