just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
