ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
