so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize