Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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