I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
