I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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