Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was born a porn star she said
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
