Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
