He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
