i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
