whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
