a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
