I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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