Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
