I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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