Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
