Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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