im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
