I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
