So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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