Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
