Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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