So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
