I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
