God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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