Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
time to smoke my breakfast
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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