I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
