if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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