I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
