I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize