i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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