I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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