I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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