I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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