Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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