you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
