so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
