I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
