I wish I could punch you in the face.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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