You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's never too late to be topless.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We need a shit load of segways right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
