i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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