I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
