At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
