That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
