That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
