It's Friday. Sex?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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