I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
