Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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