there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
