I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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