YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
