I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
