It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize