We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
