I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
