Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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