we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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