i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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