Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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