Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
