I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
