More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
