My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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