one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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