I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
