I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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