We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
