well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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