So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
